Have you ever noticed yourself acting differently around someone you like, even though you want to be your true self?

It’s quite common to behave in ways that don’t match how we feel inside, especially in certain situations or relationships. This can leave us feeling puzzled, frustrated, or even misunderstood. But why does this happen, and how can we better understand our behaviour?

Why Do We Act Differently Around Others?

In relationships, romantic or friendships, our behaviour is often shaped by a mix of emotions, and past experiences. Even when we care deeply about someone, we may find ourselves acting in ways that don’t quite reflect how we truly feel. This isn’t about being dishonest; it’s simply a part of human nature.

Fear of Rejection

A common reason for not showing our true selves is the fear of being rejected. When we care about someone, we may worry about their opinion of us. This can make us hesitant to be open or vulnerable. Instead, we might try to seem confident or perfect, even if we feel unsure of ourselves. This fear can act as a barrier, making it harder to connect honestly and leaving us hiding parts of who we are.

The Desire to Impress

It’s natural to want to impress people we like. Whether it’s a potential partner, a friend, or a colleague, we might feel pressured to present ourselves in the best possible light. This could mean exaggerating achievements, suppressing feelings, or overthinking every word and action. Whilst it’s understandable to want to be liked, this can lead to behaviour that doesn’t feel entirely natural.

Social Expectations

From a young age, we learn how we’re expected to behave in relationships. Influences like films, media, and family often suggest there’s a ‘right’ way to act. These expectations might lead us to hide parts of ourselves that don’t fit the ideal image. For example, we might downplay our interests or quirks to appear more appealing, which can make us feel disconnected from who we really are.

Past Experiences

Our past can have a powerful effect on how we act in relationships. If we’ve been hurt before, we may carry those memories with us, becoming more cautious or guarded. This can make it harder to open up, even when we care deeply about someone. These habits, formed as a way to protect ourselves, can sometimes create a gap between our intentions and actions.

Why Do We Push People Away?

It can be confusing when we like someone but find ourselves acting in ways that create distance. Often, this stems from fears or a need for self-protection.

Fear of Intimacy

Intimacy, whilst deeply fulfilling, can feel overwhelming. It requires trust, openness, and vulnerability, which some may find unsettling. To cope, we might act distant or indifferent as a way to avoid feeling too exposed. These behaviours aren’t about not caring but are often a way of shielding ourselves.

Self-Doubt

Doubting our worth can also cause us to push others away. If we worry that someone will see our flaws, we might withdraw or act indifferent, even if we want a closer connection. This self-protection can create a cycle where we struggle to build the relationships we desire.

Avoiding Emotional Connection

Sometimes, we keep people at arm’s length to avoid the complexities of deep emotional involvement. By staying casual or holding back affection, we protect ourselves from potential pain. This is especially common if past relationships have left us wary of becoming too attached.

What Can We Do About It?

The first step to understanding our behaviour is recognising these patterns. By being curious and reflective, we can start to make small changes that help us behave more authentically.

• Be Kind to Yourself
  Accept that everyone has insecurities and fears. Treating yourself with kindness makes it easier to let go of the pressure to behave in a way that doesn’t feel true.

• Practise Being More Open
  Sharing your feelings, even in small ways, can help build stronger, more honest relationships. It’s not always easy, but small steps towards openness can lead to deeper connections over time.

• Pause and Reflect
  When you notice yourself behaving in a way that feels inauthentic, take a moment to ask, “What am I afraid of?” Understanding the root of your actions can help you respond differently next time.

In all types of relationships, it’s normal to hold parts of ourselves back or to act in ways shaped by past experiences.

This is a natural way of protecting ourselves, and it’s important to honour those instincts. Over time, by noticing these patterns and treating ourselves with kindness, we can take gradual steps towards forming more honest and fulfilling connections.

Remember, there’s no need to rush or force changes. 

Small, thoughtful steps can help us grow in confidence and allow us to share more of our true selves at a pace that feels right. 

Trust takes time to build, with ourselves and others. With patience and self-compassion, we can create relationships that feel safe and respectful, built on understanding and mutual care. 

If reading this has made you think about your own experiences, I’d love to hear from you. Whether you have questions, want to share your thoughts, or simply need someone to listen, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. Sometimes just talking things through can make a big difference.